High Crimes and Welsh Crooners

I suppose it is normal for everyone to have a few songs that are considered so cheesy, so impossibly commercially crafted, that it is a bit embarrassing to admit to liking them. I've always hated music snobs, but I can confess to sniffing at people who like American Idol artists before plugging my iPod in to hear the latest Vampire Weekend track or something by We Are Scientists. Guarding against cries of hypocrisy, I always say that I'm not against "commercial" music like most hipster assholes, but rather that I am against "bad" music. This tends to end arguments with my opponents who usually have very narrow trousers and haircuts with a lot of angles to them.

I also don't consider myself a snob because there are a few very uncool bands that I listen to and like. For example, I still frequently listen to the song "Ignition (Remix)" by potentially soon to be convicted R. Kelly. I like Genesis--both Gabriel and Collins. I like a good amount of Elton John and Fleetwood Mac and the Alan Parsons Project. I even like "Bungle in the Jungle" off the 1974 Jethro Tull Album "War Child." If there is something less cool than that, I'd like to hear it. However, there is one cheeseball song I love that I will admit I am not even faintly concerned about people knowing I love. It's a song that everyone has heard, and I know for a fact that over 90% of them love it. Tom Jones's Sex Bomb might be the catchiest tune ever committed to a record. I'm always amazed that the song, for all its suggestive lyrical content, is played at children's parties (hand to God) without the slightest hint of irony. Something about that Welsh Tomcat just lets people's guard down and he's off belting out this magical number. Pump this tune in your iPod next time you're walking the streets or even washing the dishes. I guarantee you'll be singing it by the 1:00 mark--and if you are on the street, make sure that cop knows you're listening to Jonesy and not propositioning someone in Tompkins Square Park.