The utility maximization of "Next"

My roommates and I watch a lot of bad television, and we sort of revel in it. MTV has pioneered the field of awful shows that I cannot tear myself away from, including Laguna Beach, Super Sweet 16, Made, and Next. This entry is going to focus on Next, because I saw one of the best episodes ever the other day.

The rules of Next are pretty simple. There is one guy who is deciding who he wants to go on a date with. On a bus, there are 5 girls who sit together and are called out one by one to go on a date with the guy outside. The guy has not seen any of the girls before and neither has the girl seen him. They do some stupid activity like get fake body art or have a picnic for a while, and if the guy likes the girl, the date continues. If at any point the guy isn't having fun, he can dismiss the girl by saying "next" and another girl from the bus will emerge and go on a date with our young hero. Girls who are kicked off are given $1 dollar for every minute they are on the date. If the guy decides he likes the girl, he offers her either the amount of money she would get from leaving or a second date. Next can also be played with one girl and 5 guys, but those episodes tend to be pretty boring. It doesn't sound too amazing, but a lot of the time it's incredibly hilarious. The contestants are all between 18 and 24 and most are about as dumb as a sack of wet mice. They say the most absurd things and have the stupidest dates, like breakdancing or tae kwon do. If you watch enough, you'll get some real gems, but nothing like I saw two nights ago.

This was a one guy-5 girl episode, and the guy was an absolute tool. Smug, fake tan and about as shallow as a shot glass, I knew this guy's resolute and unshakable belief in his own perfection would lead to some cringe-worthy rejections of nice but slightly homely girls. And so it was. The lineup, in order of how they would appear was one so-so looking girl, two ugly girls, and two very attractive girls. This guy was going to have to go through hell to get to heaven. He "Nexted" the first girl in about 7 minutes, but in his defense she was boring to the point of being catatonic. The next girl comes out, they are introduced, and you can see the sadness in his eyes. He sticks it out for a little bit, and then tells the girl that she is too pale, and he takes her to a tanning salon. Not really where I would take someone on a date, but I am dark-skinned, what do I know? She comes out of a spray tan (how gauche) only to meet the icy hand of a "Next" slapping the dignity right out of her, pocketing about $17. The third contestant is a bit quirky, but even less attractive than the second player. Our host takes her clothes shopping (he insists a girl's style is very important). Here, we see the abject horror in his eyes that he has to be seen with this girl in public. You know he wants to reject her right there, but he needs the pretense of incompatability to avoid looking like the worst man on television. After about 8 minutes of shopping, he says they aren't working out and puts a "Next" boot in her ass. Now it gets interesting, as the fourth contestant is a very attractive Latina with...ahem...enhancements that are catching to many men. She steps off the bus and meets the host, and he lights up. 'Finally,' I imagine he imagines, 'an attractive girl in this competition.' In about 8 seconds, he decides to offer her a second date with him, or the cash value of her date, $1.

This is nothing short of a stroke of brilliance. Obviously, this offer of a second date is a purely physical reaction. While he complimented her style (read: enhancements), that was the entire extent of their conversation. He literally asked her for another date on the spot. What makes it so amazing is that it reminded me of the utility maximization problems we used to do in my International Politics class. By asking this girl for a date so quickly, he has made the choice of walking away worthless. $1 is not a lot of money. Most contestants who go in second dates are on their dates for 75-90 minutes. If you're with a mildly attractive and marginally fun person, you might just take the $90. That's a good night out with some friends, and all you had to do was hang out with an OK person for a little while and be on MTV. However, if you're offered $1, why would you even take it? You might as well go on the second date, because you could have a good time on that date (assume the probability of having a good time is about 50%) while you won't have any fun with $1, or at least any fun that doesn't come out of a vending machine. Since the host is looking for a second date, they dispense the money in such a way as to make it a disincentive, and by offering a prize that is worthless, they can lock in the outcome they want: a second date. It's actually very interesting, and my point was proven when this girl took the second date with a guy she'd only known for a few seconds.

Who knew Next was so unintentionally cerebral? I wonder what the hidden implications of Super Sweet 16 are.