City Girl Squawk

Jason Horowitz wrote a great piece in the New York Observer about a very particular kind of Northeast accent he calls the City Girl Squawk. I know that when I give a link that is more than a paragraph, it feels like a homework assignment, but this one is good (skim around it if you must) because it deals with an accent that I have a lot of experience with. Almost every girl I went to high school with talked in this way, and seeing as I go to NYU, largely populated by girls from the Northeast, I haven't escaped it. This accent has bothered me for a long time.

A lot of people make fun of Southern accents, which I actually find very pleasant, but the city girl squawk is curdling to the point of being a public safety risk. It is also very specific to a type of girl--as Horowitz calls her: attractive but not pretty, stringy but not skinny, smart but not all that intelligent. He might as well have been in my study hall. It is a voice typified by long, whiney vowels and a piercing laugh that makes you want to scrape out your cochlea with a grapefruit spoon. Conversations are liberally sprinkled with hyperbole and the words "like", "so" and "totally." Horowitz puts together an incredible snapshot of the practitioner of the accent. Everything I would point to as annoying is in this article. Read it--you'll love it. Unless you're a girl I went to high school with, in which case this article is probably about you. Sorry.

Rising to Flogian Heights

Since I didn't get an apartment in New York this summer, I have been commuting into Manhattan via train. It's about an hour, which sounds a lot worse than it actually is. All things considered, trains are the best way to travel very early in the morning. They require little to no consciousness on my part, allow me to read, and provide a lot of interesting characters for me to silently amuse myself with. One of the newest ways I've devised to occupy myself is to write small, and (I think) funny lists. Past topics include "Nicknames I've tried to give myself" and "Terrible Product Names". Only I, and maybe people I've paid, think they are any good, but it is amazing that it takes me an hour to come up with 5 things funny enough to write down. My mind takes off on incredible flights of fantasy and bizarre musings when I force it to be disciplined. Those tangents are usually populated by dark thoughts that I would never say out loud, much less write down where it could be tracked back to me and derail my chances at being White House Chief of Staff one day.

I frequently wonder where the limits of propriety are in my daily life. Sometimes when I am talking to someone I don't know very well, I will make up a word and use it confidently in conversation. Most people plow ahead valiantly, and just assume you meant to use another, more obvious word. A smaller number will press you, and ask you what that word was. This is where your choice of made-up word is important. My favorite for a long time was "reponstulate" because it is just complex enough to sound real. If you go over the top, you will be found out. For example, when someone asks me what I want to do, I'd say something like "Well, since corporate entities need to raise capital for their operations, I help leverage their assets to fully reponstulate a secure line of credit" or something like that. Sounds good, but means bollocks since I threw up a word like 'reponstulate' in there. I've said that before, and 9/10 times the person just nods like I'm a mental patient and slowly shuffles toward the crab cakes. Making up words is a good way to amuse yourself and escape the burden of trying to entertain others. I suggest you try it.